ME :)

You’re on a busy train and there’s only a couple of seats left so you decide have to sit next to someone. During your journey to work, the passengers on the train slowly begin to disembark at each station and the train carriage begins to empty.

Eventually the only people left on the train is the person sitting next to you and the remainder of the train carriage is empty. You have a few stops to go, do you stand up and move to another seat? They might take offense and think gosh do I smell? Why did he just stand up and move seats like that? The other option is to sit there until you get off and make it as though you didn’t really notice the train carriage is empty.

It is an awkward position to be in especially the person seated next to you is the same sex. I’ve often just chosen to sit still and not move. Why should I move? I’ve sat there quite comfortably, the seat has molded around my butt nicely so if anyone wants to move the person next to me can decide that move. To hell with awkwardness! The person next to me is probably thinking the same or they could be thinking there are so many seats to choose from on this carriage, why the hell is this idiot still sitting next to me. He should be moving because I ain’t!

What is the etiquette?

Smiles

Have you ever tried rice pudding? Don’t. I tried it for the first time tonight and even if it was my final meal ever, I’ll feed it to the turtles.

It was meant to be a dessert but remind me again, aren’t desserts meant to be cold rather than hot? Ok you have some hot dishes like apple pies but you complement it with something cold like ice cream. Well this isn’t quite the same for the rice pudding.

The best I can describe a rice pudding is that it is like a risotto. In fact I’m pretty sure I had a piping hot risotto. It was not savoury but sweet. It was cheesy and not creamy. I couldn’t see mushrooms or chicken pieces. It looked a bit like porridge but the rice looked undercooked. It had 1 and a half grapes on it as a garnish. Come on what happened to the last quarter of it?

Grapes and rice … what? As far as I know I don’t suffer from Synesthesia and my senses are fine so why would I eat grapes and rice like some synesthesian souls eat chicken with ice cream.

A complaint was made about the rice pudding and so the owner brought down the chef and he said he had forgotten the cinnamon … sorry buddy adding the cinnamon to the rice pudding will still make it a shitty rice pudding.

The replacement chocolate mousse well could only be described as the same texture as a willy wonka chocolate bar. Sadly we give away the golden ticket because we don’t plan to head back to charlie and the shitty dessert factory.

smiles

God, I just hope I’ve made the right decision …

This is the first time I’ve heard of this. What exactly does a divorce party celebrate? Being single again? Finally ridding yourself of the person you wanted to live with for the rest of your life?

What presents are people supposed to bring? Sex and the city box set? Entourage box set? A new facebook account or a subscription to a few dating sites?

What would the mood be like? Sad, happy, or party atmosphere? An ensemble of cocktails or perhaps a jager train where by each glass represents the days you have been married.

The news article I read continued on and said that the ex-husband murdered his ex-wife before the party took place.

Shocking

Great customer service is when the service provider does things for you without asking you a question. You expect it rather than wait to be asked. It’s part of what you pay for and surely part of their training regime before taking the job.

You come into a supermarket to buy some groceries. You get a basket to put the items of purchase in so its easier to carry around the shop floor and it doubles up as a precaution so you do not drop any products yet to be paid for. When all the items are collected you go up to the checkout to pay for the items.

Then the checkout person asks, would you like some bags?

What?! No, please don’t give me any plastic bags, I’m going to pollute the earth, what a stupid question to ask. Let me juggle those items home like a circus performer and wow the passers by. Give me those damn bags already!

You’re at a restaurant eating with friends. You’ve chosen a delightful dish of which you eat like you haven’t eaten for a week. So you clean the plate, okay maybe you left a grain of rice or a speckle of salad on the plate. Your knives and forks are then deposited on the plate and you wait for the waiter/waitress to clear the table.

Hello, are you done? Can I take your plate?

What?! No, please let me lick my plate clean so you won’t have to wash the plate and reuse it for the next customer. Take my plates away already!! No tip for you.

You wander into a train station and look around for a quick bite like a sandwich or bap. You choose the cumberland sausage roll that is on display and you know that its cold as there are about a dozen there. You say, can I please have one of those, thanks.

Would you like that hot?

What?! Why no, I’d love a cold sausage on this cold day. Who eats a cold sausage any way? Hurry up and toast the bloody thing and stop asking moronic questions, I have a train to catch!

smiles